Man, I love words.
Good thing I suppose, given my chosen and hard-fought-for occupation. Every time I sit down at a keyboard or have a pen poised over a blank sheet of paper, I feel overwhelmed with excitement, with possibility, with anticipation. With a few key strokes or swipes of a pen, you can find the right combination of words that can make someone LOVE you.
Conversely, you can break a heart, manipulate a mind or sever an allegiance…all with those same strokes or swipes. Think about that. Legends are immortalized because of words. Nations go to war over words. Couples are united in matrimony with words. Hearts and lives are shattered due to words. The power they wield is, in a word, awesome.
“Every time I come around the corner and see your car in the driveway I get sick to my stomach.”
I sat on the couch during yet another face-off with my mother when she let fly with that condemnation, effectively shattering any sense of comfort and belonging I may have been clinging to at the time. I was 17. I’m 40 now, and I can hear those words in my ear as clear as if they were uttered 10 minutes ago. I can’t say that it was those exact words that led to the eventual, unsurprising demise of my relationship with my mother, but I know it was certainly a huge chunk out of the already crumbling foundation. It stands, to this day, as one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
But, as I said, words are powerful. They can also have healing properties. Let me give you a scenario. I was visiting a friend at what is now, TCNJ (then it was Trenton State College). My boyfriend of about a year had just broken up with me, quite unceremoniously, at a party the night before. I was feeling kind of blue, just sort of moping around the campus waiting for my friend’s class to end. While aimlessly wandering through the bookstore, I saw an old friend from high school, a guy who graduated a year ahead of me. We got to talking about life after high school and what my plans were and all of that idle small talk, when he looked me right in the eye and said, “Well Cas, the thing is, I hear you’re an excellent writer.”
What followed is not a Cinderella-like ending of fairytale romance (this is me we’re talking about) between Matt Opacity (that was his name) and me,your D &D teacher. We didn’t fall into each other’s arms and swear undying love—it wasn’t even a romantic moment. He wasn’t trying out a brand-new pick-up line or even trying to soothe my bruised, dumped ego. It was a simple declaration that I am quite sure he would never even remember saying all these years later. But it’s impact on me was and is undeniable. Because of him, when I went back home, the first place I looked for a summer job was at a local newspaper called The Sandpaper. I landed a job as a stringer and at the tender age of 18, got my first ever piece of writing published. I even got paid for it! (It was an article on Tonkinese cats—don’t laugh!) Such is the power and the beauty of words.
So, that is the focus of this week’s blog question. I would like you to think about conversations you have had, arguments in which you’ve been embroiled, moments of bliss you have experienced. They all have one thing in common—WORDS.
The Yin: What is the worst thing anyone has ever said to you? Why do you think it was the worst thing? How did it make you feel?
And for the Yang (because there always is one): What was the best compliment you have ever received?
Who said it? Why do you think was it was the best compliment?
And finally, perhaps even MOST IMPORTANTLY, reflect on the fact that you highlighted these two particular comments. What do you think your choices of what was the best and worst thing anyone could say about/to you reveal about your you and your personality? Much to think about, I know. Don’t delay!!
(500 words/80pts)
The worst thing anybody has ever said to me was that I was ugly. It was my ex-ex-girlfriend when she found out that I was with another girl. I believe it was the worst thing that was ever said to me because I'm used to people complimenting me and here she comes. Jealous as always. It actually made me tickle inside because she wanted to hurt my feelings but the outcome was all of my friends laughing at her and my ex-girlfriend saying, "Thank you so much for thinking that because now I get the goodies!" That made my day but It made me think. What do people really think of me? How do I look in other people's eyes. But then I remembered that I don't care and I never will. The best compliment that I've ever received is when people tell me that I should be a model. Modeling is a dream of mine, however, I'm too short, unfortunately. I think that is the best compliment because I get an idea of how good I look. I don't like saying that I'm "hot" or "handsome", but when people say it for me, it's a confidence boost. It all makes me feel great about myself and I appreciate when females tell me that. If males tell me that...well, you know what happens. But I usually respond, "Thank you, so could you!" Even if they are hideous. When my friends tell me, I believe it even more. It's the best thing a guy could ask for. I also appreciate it when people compliment me on how I dress. Getting compliments on your attire makes a person want to thank everybody at their favorite store and buy the store. (At least that's how I feel). I feel like I owe them but I forget that I paid money for what I bought so I don't owe them anything! I think that even if a person doesn't like the way someone is dressed, they should still compliment them to make them feel better/good about themselves. One compliment can make somebody's day, no matter what it is. As long as it's positive. But I still think that I have to work on a lot. Getting compliments is not what I need. I need to work on my attitude toward people as well as my temper. If I could do that, I would be happy with myself. I'm not quite happy yet.
ReplyDeleteI horridly self conscious about my weight. Ironically around 7th and 8th grade I was a VERY conceited person. I thought I was hot sh*t. I had a new look, new friends, and an extra badass attitude. Then summer before Freshman year I gained weight, I wasn't sloppy but it was so sudden and painfully obvious. It was a dramatic change for me. Everyone was talking about it like they'd talk about a girl that had gotten a nose job or something. My clothes got awfully baggy and I was constantly wearing black. For "high school" memory reasons, one of the worse words to hear was from a friend. It only hurt because it was from someone I knew for a long time and pretty much one of my closest friends. Maybe she was having a bad day but one day I was talking to a guy as a friend, and she snapped when he left,
ReplyDelete"How the hell is anyone going to even look twice at you if you gained so much and have no sense of style? Get real and stop giving yourself false hope."
Until today she apologizes for that and says she snapped and it was for another reason. I don't believe words come out wrong, when they are specified like that. I believe that they were probably what she thought. Knowing her, she's mostly about looks and not personality, but it still hurt that she didn't give me some credit. I sort felt like I would never be good enough even in standards of people I hung out with.
Being on cloud nine on a compliment would be from this guy, a mutual friend, that one day looked at me and said, " I love your eyes today, they seem happy. & Manar no one can rock a scarf better then you and don't you forget that." I had no feelings for this guy, but knowing that he was not trying to get with me, nor were we close friends that he would just try to make me feel better made me feel that much more special. It seemed more genuine and sincere, nothing in return was he getting from saying that.
Though those compliments are great, my ultimate best is when my parents defend me. My siblings always have awards, accomplishments, and graduations at young ages to share and show off. I don't, and when presented as a family, I'm the one that has nothing to offer. That's when my parents come in and brag about my intelligence, love for reading, and my artistic ways and my passion about who I am and what I believe. They even brag about fights I got in for the better cause. They always swore in front of everyone including my siblings that I was the smartest, I just didn't work with the system put in place. Though at home my parents yell at me for not over achieving like my sisters, I realize when they brag about me sometimes like they do appreciate me and that I wasn't the "mistake." They mean the world to me, therefore their approval and thoughts are like air and food to me.
This would say that I'm very self conscious, I'm sadly always feeling like I'm the mutt of the group. The one not needed, the one no one would notice and or miss, and I sadly sometimes feed so much into what others think about my appearance that I convince myself I could never be anything more then fat and ugly. Sadly, I'm easily flattered and naive when it comes to compliments which makes me prone to getting used. It also reveals that I'm very attached to my parents and that they ultimately make my day or ruin it if they are disappointed.
Most people in school say I’m monotone. They say that I have no emotions and I sit there in a dull state of mind. No one has ever picked on me for this, actually this isn’t even the insult that has affected me most of my life. What did affect me took place about eleven or so years ago. I think because of this one sentence this kid said to me, I am this “emotionless” kid everyone assumes I am.
ReplyDeleteI was roughly around six years old and I was playing football with two of my brothers and a bunch of neighborhood kids in my front yard. It was awesome playing football with all these kids and it started to get hot outside. So without thinking I just took my shirt off and continued to play. Than when of the kids by the name of Greg thought it was necessary to insult me and call me fat. “It’s so disgusting it moves around like jell-o; put your shirt back on before I get sick.” Those were almost the exact words he said to me that day. I tried to pretend it didn’t get to me because I was around all these older kids and I wanted to act like a tough guy. It was going well until my two brothers put their input on it as well. That slapped me right in the face; I couldn’t believe my own brothers were saying this to me. So I did the only thing I could do I picked up my shirt and walked into my house before they could see my tears. Lucky for me my mom was cleaning the house so I could just sneak in the downstairs bathroom without her hearing me cry. I turned out the lights and sat in the shower with the door closed and thought about what they just said to me and continued to cry.
My life isn’t one big depressing story though. It’s actually the complete opposite. I always find something to laugh about and nothing really ever gets to me. I could probably thank my mom for that. My mom always tells me that I am so funny and I should be a comedian. Now this is her being nice I’m sure, but every time she says that it just makes my day better. Making someone laugh, in my opinion is one of the best things you can do for anyone. A real laugh doesn’t lie to you, it doesn’t make you feel bad, or even make you think about anything stressful. When someone is really laughing they forget about the world around them and get lost in their own happiness, even if it’s just for a moment. That’s why every time my mom gives me that compliment it makes me realize that making people laugh is one of the things I like doing most. Put me in a group of complete strangers and you will get very little out of me. Put me in a group with my friends and family and it would take a role of duck tape to shut my mouth. That’s the compliment I could never get tired of hearing, to me that compliment is better than almost any other.
Looking at these two comments I think it’s pretty clear what is says about my personality. I think it means I generally care for the well being of people, why else would I want to make people laugh so much. Than of course I think I am a person that wants to be accepted by the general public. Maybe I use comedy as a way to be accepted. I think I just want to be accepted by people for who I am and it scares me when someone insults me because someone might not like me for me. It’s hard to pinpoint my personality based off of two comments, but I think these two represent me better than any other two could.
this is an interesting question that had me thinking long and hard. however for me one of the best compliments that i have gotten are that I am a really nice kind person. this helped my self esteem because my family has been know for being sort of mean to people so when i was told that i am a very kind person it gave me a good thought. However the worst thing that i have ever been told was that i was exceptionally stupid. This forced me to redo the entire way i looked at learning both in and out of the class room, it made me more open to advise and knowledge from other sources and helped me to get to were i am at now with my overall intelligence( wich i feel is relativly high) but it was only this comment that pushed me to persue the knowledge.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger I was very over weight. I was very self-conscious and quiet about it. One summer i made a promise to myself that i would lose weight before school started so I wouldn't get made fun of anymore, unfortunately that didn't work. I had lost weight but not enough for people to give up the fat jokes. One day while in school I thought i looked good because of the weight i had lost and i was very confident in myself until someone came up to me and said " You lost weight, but you need to lose more"! I was so hurt and my ego and self esteem was damaged. It hurt so bad because my whole child hood from elementary school to middle school I was made fun of. After hearing that I didn't ever want to see food again! I tried so hard to lose weight to please everybody else that I didn't please myself. Being made fun of is no fun for anyone especially when your a fragile child.I believe it hurt bad because I was unsure about myself. I didn't have confidence in myself to see my true beauty behind the extra weight. I'm the same person now that I was then just not as big. But on the other hand one day I was on vacation and I was site seeing and a random good looking guy came up to me and called me beautiful. He didn't want anything, didn't ask for my number nor did he try to make a move. He just strolled over to me and said " I just thought you should know you are very beautiful". It caught me off guard because i didn't know him and it was very unexpected. It made me smile and I will never forget him even though I don't even know his name. I'm not sure how other people see beauty but in my eyes beauty isn't just on the outside but on the inside as well. That may seem corny but oh well. If a total stranger can see my beauty than that says something about the so-called "friends" that couldn't see it behind my weight.
ReplyDeleteI’m usually the type of person who doesn’t get offended when people say things. When I’m told that I’m a weird freak, I agree. When people say that I’m fat or weak, I laugh. People insult me all the time, but it usually gets to the point that it’s funny. Sometimes, I laugh when someone tries to get on my bad side. However, my laughing at them trying to get on my nerves usually gets on their nerves. It’s really hard to say something that will tick me off, but there is one thing that that mom told me once that really got under my skin; “You’re useless.” Those words will almost always get to me, although I’m not too sure why. Other comments that irritate me are “You do everything wrong” and “I’m disappointed.” I try my best at nearly everything I do, so I guess when my efforts are ignored or frowned upon I stress out, thinking that I’m not really doing my best. It makes me feel like my full potential isn’t enough and really hurts my self-esteem. On the other hand, the best compliment I’ve ever received was actually a description one of my best friends, Rob Forney, wrote about me when I was asking people what they thought of me as a person. He said “You make a great footrest, back-scratcher, punching bag, stepping stone, springboard, vaulting pole, sandwich press, battering ram, improvised weapon, stage prop, scapegoat, camouflage, best man, wing man, bat man, scat man, sidekick, accomplice, decoy, sous chef, royal food taster, carrier pigeon, lion tamer, bear whisperer, assassin, vuvuzelist, search engine, and Japanese Animation Specialist. I respect you as a fellow artisan, masseuse, seamstress, combat specialist, professional dissident, interpretive dancer, jet fighter, sky pirate, pocket thief, XYY male, dubious Caucasian, magician, jack of all trades, impromptu leader, fire-starter, super hero, villain, B&Eer, water-ski paragliding fisherman, spawn of the sea, pool shark, force that is evil, force that is good, force that is generally misunderstood, truth-seeker, strong man, roller skater, gamer, and race car driver. You are kin, you are greatness, you are my thick-and-thin friend, and you're a pain in the ass. You're also a Capricorn and a Monkey in the European and Chinese astrological systems.” It’s not exactly a compliment, but just reading this puts me in high spirits. It reminds me that there’s someone who understands me and brings back memories of good times. I think that my choice for ‘worst thing ever said to me’ shows that I try really hard at what I do, so when my efforts go to waste I stress over it a lot. My choice for the ‘best thing ever said to me’ reveals my affinity for true friends. Although I have a small number of true friends, I can always rely on them for just about everything. So in a nutshell, these choices for the Yin and Yang of comments said to me reveal that I am a friendly hard-working individual.
ReplyDelete“You are a stupid little bitch just like your mother was!” she screamed at me.
ReplyDeleteMan oh man when my step mom yelled those words at me for no other reason than her usual abuse, I was ticked off. I thought, ‘how dare she, she never even knew my mom’. Instantly I wanted to rip her face off. We went at it but I wouldn’t consider it a real fight, more like a sissy fight I guess. I was young at the time, and well she just can’t fight lol.
This had to be the worst thing anybody has ever said to me because I lost my mom at a young age, and she was my world. I loved her more than I loved my dad. I honestly loved her more than I loved anybody. It made me really angry and automatically upset. I had constant rage and I couldn’t control it. I guess it is just one of those things that hurts you emotionally for the moment, and you act on impulse.
“Grannie, when we die and you die under my arms, when we hold hands and go up in the skies, I would want to re-live everything we did again <3.”
My boyfriend said this one, obviously lol. It really meant a lot to me because we have been going out for some time and I really care about him. I’m not one of those girls that think they are in love with every guy or they are searching for Mr. Right, so all of that makes me sick. However, I really love him and I know he loves me too; and this compliment holds so much. You can interpret any way you want but the way I took it is, I want an everlasting relationship and love bond with you. I felt as though he loves and cares for me so much that he is willing to go through everything we have together over and over again because that is how much he cherishes it. And it is the truth. We value each other so high. We are each other’s only ones. And yeah only time will tell if that is true or not, but I want him by my side for the rest of my life and this proves he feels the same. Basically this compliment is my greatest compliment because it shows an appreciation and a savor-able insight to how deep his feelings are. And knowing that he feels the same or maybe more is a wonderful feeling inside, because that gives me hope for a promising future with the one I love.
I highlighted these two comments because in a way they both touched by emotionally and left a mark. The negative left a scar in which just built up on the hatred that was already there and the positive making a mark in filling up my heart with a warm wonderful feeling, making me feel more sure about where our relationship is going to take us. I think what this could say about my personality would be I am very defensive and guarded, and I like to be sure about what I am doing and where I am going with firm details before I can actually be at complete ease. For example, I automatically wanted to demolish my step mom for even speaking about my mom let alone insulting her. It wasn’t the fact that she insulted me; it was the way she talked down on my mother as if she had a right to insult her, as if she was better somehow. For me it takes me a while to be sure about a guy. I can believe them and everything, but for me to actually think I like you a little more than the standard infatuation means you made me sure that maybe something can work out. I will leave you if I can’t see us together anytime in the future, long-term wise. I tell you what I feel and what I mean when it comes to how I feel about you. I will never tell someone I love them when I don’t mean it. Therefore, I expect the same in return; and what my boyfriend did was assure me that he means and feels the same if not more than what I feel. He assured me that he is here for me and he is not going anywhere. And I don’t need that but for me to not second guess anything and to be more at peace, I would like that. I can’t read minds, so let me know what is on your mind and we can go from there.
The worst thing that someone could ever say to me is calling me fat or saying things about my weight. The people that used to say these things were the boys in my grade and of course they were immature. They would just talk about all the girls that weren’t pretty in their eyes.well When I was little I wasn’t as small as I am now I was never satisfied with my weight or my looks. I used to always get teased because I wasn’t as small as the girls around me. And when people said things like that to me I would just want to cry because I believed it was true and it was nothing I could do about it.
ReplyDeleteThe best compliment I have ever received was from a senior that said I was badd, meaning pretty, cute, can dress, and personality was on point. It was the best compliment because he was a cute senior and I was a freshman and it meant a lot. And since I thought I was never pretty enough and I never got much attention that really meant a lot to me especially coming from an older guy.
If anyone ever called me out of my name, would probably one of the worst things that someone could say about me or to me. Because if someone is calling you out your name it’s definitely not going to be nice and I don’t like to be embarrassed even though what the person is saying is not true it would still get to me.
The worst thing someone said to me was i wish i never had you. This was by my mom. She be tripping some times. When she gets mad she says just about anything out her mouth. She wouldn't say anything like that to me now though. She has learned to control her anger, just as i did. The reason why it was the worse thing was because it was my mom. If anyone else said something crazy like she did to me, it probably wouldn't faze me. She is the only one who could set me off. The best thing someone ever said to was I love you. That was also by my mom. She doesn't use words like this often. It kind of shocked me to hear such words from her. When she said it i was so happy that day. I felt so good about myself. No one could ruin my day. I felt untouchable. I'm the type of person who won't really care what you think unless your in some what importance to me. The most important thing to me in this world is my mother. Everyone else to me is below my level. That's just how i feel. That usually stops me from getting mad at bad things said to me. Some people say i'm very cocky. Its not that I'm Cocky, its just that I don't care what people think.
ReplyDelete